(of course there were supporting factors: our simple, mainstream obsessions. our androgynous wardrobes. our contempt of blandbrained female contemporaries. but the main thing was) you ambushed me at a time when that was still possible. or i ambushed you. anyway, there was an ambush, an auspicious one.
some school nights we talked on the phone. i don’t know about what, but it felt good. in the summer my index finger danced your number into the keypad and then your voice like magic, need being met through no visible mechanism – you walked to my house and I walked to yours and we missed each other then found each other and laughed.
one day i said Let’s go get water ice
you said Okay.
we walked for blocks hot under a bright sky and then turned back to my house where we drank cold tap water and were satisfied.
that was fun, you said, haha i don’t know why. anything with you is fun.
you didn’t say much but were always laughing.
i went into the wilderness and made you come with me. you were scared and then you loved it. on the scramble i placed myself below you then led you down the creek until no leader was needed. we wandered and sang and talked and dreamt aloud. that, to me, was a forever.
you went on vacation and when you came back i was no longer there. not because i willed the leaving; i just didn’t know anything about staying.
you tried to talk to me through the phone and i didn’t know why.
was it then you died? | did i?
i wondered for the longest time, and then i realized it didn’t matter:
people die, even when they stay.
i hope you are well
and that when your(and all
shell breaks; shiver yourself out
bare; rant yourself up some
ones of plywood,
love through all deaths.